Board Games and True Colors

One of my favorite things about playing board games in real life is it reveals so much about who your friends are.  Online does not quite have the same satisfaction.  When things get competitive and the game is on the line, you start to see people's true colors.  The quite friend who brought cookies and is really nice?  She's the one who will be yelling at you about rules violations.  The really nerdy guy who acts like a know it all? He'll crumble under the pressure of Trivial Pursuit.  With all this in mind, here are a list of gamers I've experienced in my life.

THE PURIST

This is the guy who plays Monopoly by the actual rules.  He is willing to sit there forever, and he will often drag the rest of the party with him, in order to insure that the rules are being adhered to.

He can be your best friend if someone is trying to pull a fast one, but he can also be the stingy guy who just can't let it slide.  Someone will say "How about we play to 8 points instead of 10..."  before the words even exit their mouth, The Pursuit springs to life, "BLASPHEMY!!!"  And the room breaks into an uproar.

THE ARROGANT GUY

This guy knows the game.  In fact, he's played it a million times before.  Just ask him.  He is usually the guy who brings a new game to the party because it will be fun, but in reality he plans on decimating everyone with his experienced advantage.

Every group needs an Arrogant Guy.  He is the ideal antagonist.  Sure, winning is a pursuit in itself, but when you are responsible for defeating the guy in the room who has been telling all night how he is going to kick your ass? That's the best feeling.

THE QUIET ONE

Always look out for the quiet one.  They're the one who rarely speaks up or let on what they're strategy is.  They sit quietly, holding their cards, waiting for their turn to strike.  In poker, they have the best poker face.

They're also the one that comes out of the woodwork at the end and crush you.  Even worse, you never saw it coming.  They are a silent assassin.  Keep an eye out for the quiet one at the table.  Just as the Arrogant Guy is built to fall, the quiet one is built to rise.

THE GAMBLER OR DRINKER

This person can often be found flying Coach on their way back from Las Vegas.  He is the one trying to figure out a way to change the game so there is money involved.  Even if there isn't money involved, he'll be the first one to say, "Hey, can we turn this into a drinking game?"

Be careful sitting next to this guy, or you'll be the one conned into plenty of, "I bet so-and-so attacks Kamchatka on their next turn..."  Even if you don't say a word in response, they will still remind you for weeks that you owe them $10 for that bet.

THE QUITTER

This person sucks.  They are the person who realizes they have no chance, so they bail.  Worse yet, they love to make a scene about it.

Everyone could be having a great time, and then the Quitter chimes in with, "This is stupid."  The Quitter will almost always try to coral others into quitting too.  Suck it up people.  You win some, you lose some.  They often do not get along with The Purist.


There are several other permutations of gamers in this world, and I encourage you to go find them out.  Everyone has their quirks when things get competitive, and it's one of the greatest things in the world to discover them.

The Sales Ritual

I work in film, and one of the things I do on a daily basis is pitch ideas.  I pitch ideas for stories. I pitch ideas for actors.  I even have to pitch ideas for crew members.  At the root of it, pitching is purely sales. I walk into a room, and it is my job to sell my idea to everyone else in order for me to get what I want.  Even if I wasn't working in film, sales still exists.  On a Friday night, you and a group of buddies decide to go see a movie.  The instant someone opens up Fandango and starts listing movies, they are selling.  What order do they list them in?  Do they say, "Oooh, this one has so-and-so in it!" Or do they bring up a review they recently read.  In that moment, we are all salesman.

Game Night is no different.  At my house, someone is usually asked to go to the game cupboard an pull out a few games.  This is a big responsibility.  In this moment, that person has their very first chance to sell what game they want to play.  Much like in the American cinema classic Tommy Boy, it takes a little while for everyone to discover their own technique.

THE QUESTIONER GUY

This is the person who will never offer up their own opinion.  When they're asked to grab a board game out of the closet, it is immediately met with, "Well, what do you guys want to play?"

Worse yet, the questioner will remain disappointed by an eventual decision.  When there is a group consensus on the other end, they will finally offer up their own disdain.  It's a double edged sword.  They are often agreeable, but can be a nightmare to negotiate with.

GRABS EVERYTHING GUY

This is the guy who goes to the game closet and comes back with 20 options.  Your first thought is always, "How on earth did he carry all those games?"

Kind of like the questioner, grabs everything guy is incredibly indecisive.  Rather than ask you questions though, he will go through and pitch every. single. game. to the point where you don't even know if you want to play a game anymore.  Though you now have knowledge of 10 game son your shelf you did not know existed.

THERE WILL BE NO OTHER CHOICE GUY

This is the guy who grabs RISK.  He comes back from the game closet, and before you even know it, the pieces are laid out and everything is ready for you to play.  You never had a chance to debate.

The next thing you know, it is seven hours later, and you are still holding fast in Western Australia, praying for the sun to rise and negotiating territories for bathroom breaks.

THE OTHERS

Within each sales technique, there are sub categories.  You'll have the "Always wants to try a new game" guy, or conversely the "Plays exclusively the classics" guy.  You'll have the "Is there a way we can play this for money" guy, and then you'll have the "This is a great learning opportunity" guy.

I'll go into more details on the types of gamers, but this post is all about the sales ritual.  At some point in your life, you will be responsible to sell a game on game night.  What strategy will you use?

Grandma Joins Facebook

I'm not very old.  Not by any real standards unless you're a kindergarten class and I am your substitute teacher.  So, for the most part, everyone I meet is older than me.  But the age gap is a wonderful thing. In this case, by gap I mean chasm, or fjord. I don’t actually know what a fjord is, but the internet says it is a steep valley carved by glaciers. Go figure. Anyways, the age gap is a big one.

Yesterday, my Grandmother celebrated her 82nd birthday, which makes her slightly older than me.  Four days ago, my Grandma celebrated another milestone: she joined Facebook.  Hiyoooo! Hold onto your hats folks at home, Grandma is taking the world by storm!!!

With the help of my Dad, my Grandma joined the internet, and when I called her on the phone to wish her a happy birthday we started talking about her new frontier. (She couldn’t remember what it was called, but we figured “Facebook” out eventually)

My Grandma has 9 children, 35 grandchildren, and even more great-children. Although large in number, many of these family members do not live near her. While we are all judicious about making phone calls and seeing her on vacation, there is still a distance.  Furthermore, she is a devout Christian, a retired school teacher, and she absolutely LOVES Scrabble. I believe she is the greatest influence on my love for the game.

While on the phone, she brought up that she joined Facebook specifically so she could play Scrabble with her family.  I thought this was absolutely beautiful, and I couldn’t help but chuckle as she described how difficult it was for her to figure out how to push the “buttons” (keys on a keyboard), and open the “board game” (Internet Explorer).  I’ve heard these kind of geriatric-tecnology-struggles stories from others, but I did not realize how real this problem could be.  I did not find it as a problem.  In fact, I found it quite adorable.  I had a chance to teach a game to the very woman who taught me.

Once the game started, I found humor in the generation gap and her technological handicap, but I was also reminded of why any Grandma really can be hilarious.  Beyond a simple skills advantage and vocabularic (sp?) superiority, my Grandma still retained the distinct advantage of simply being my grandmother.

When you play your Grandma in Scrabble, it tends to work out such that you can score a lot of points, but you’ll have to play a dirty word to do it, so you settle for something worth less points but more appropriate.  (Instead of “Dildos” for 55 points, I will play “Sold” for 10 points and retain my dignity) Of course, on your Gramma’s next turn she’ll play a word like “Fart” or “Ass” and then you’ll feel like an idiot.  So, it was only fitting that when my Grandma invited me to play a game with her online, her opening move was “Sexual” for 30 points.

With such an apt foray into the internet Grandma, you may be 82 years old, but you’re always welcome here.